Impulse Control
by xoxAmyxox
Summary: He'd had enough of pretending, so had she. TIVA PLEASE REVIEW!


Impulse Control

**A/N Okey dokey here we go. I've kind of elaborated the whole Tony being harsh to everyone in the episode 'Bounce' including Ziva. So just imagine that he was quite a bit meaner in the episode. With the lack of Tiva moments in this season my creative obsessive brain seems to have gone into overdrive hence I deliver you delightful readers this humble gift to keep you occupied! BTW I've not had a beta for this as you will probably notice but I apologise now. I'm gonna stop waffling now and get on with it. Happy reading-please review, it means so much to me!**

**Disclaimer: **I…sob…own…sob…nothing…Tony and Ziva do not belong to me, if they did. I wouldn't be writing this story because there would be no need for it. Bows down and pays homage to all the wonderful people who make NCIS.

***

For all the times Tony thought of reasons he should be a team leader he managed to come up with a balanced number of reasons for why he shouldn't. Gibbs made it look so easy and yet when Tony was put in charge everything seemed to go wrong. Sure, perhaps it was probably the wrong case to be handed to but there was no excuse for the way he had treated his colleagues today. Ziva in particular. She didn't do anything as such except receive the full front of his anger and for that he'd never felt so guilty in his life. The look of hurt on her face when he shouted at her broke his heart when he remembered the moment, the element of surprise on her face when he spoke to her in such an unusual harsh tone. Together they shared playful flirty banter, not sharp, harsh orders.

If he was honest he was also mad at her because of that 'Mitch' person. Tony couldn't believe how jealous he felt when Mitch informed him about going over to Ziva's place. Of course Tony had been there many times before but still felt violated at the fact that _another _man besides himself had Ziva to themselves. He tried his hardest not to let his feelings of jealousy and confusion show, he had to prove he was in control. Truth be told, he may have partially been in control of the situation regarding the case but he was certainly not in control of his growing feelings for Ziva.

It had all started to change after that unfinished conversation in the elevator. Things were so nearly said but they were both too afraid to admit it. "I'm tired of pretending" his own voice echoed deep in to his mind and her response "so am I" equally taking over every fibre of his being. What did she mean? Was she referring to the politics that he was or did she mean something else? Tony dared to let himself believe that it was latter but cowardly as he was he made his escape before any truths could be resolved.

Everyone else had long gone home leaving Tony alone in the squad room. He didn't even remember seeing Ziva leave, she didn't say goodbye to him. _Great, she's mad at me _he thought trying to focus on his paper work. Ziva seemed to have a knack for distracting him from his paper work regardless if she was their in mind or body. _She has every right to be mad at me _he bickered with himself. Glancing at his watch he did a double take when he saw what the time was, nearly 1 am. Cursing through his tiredness, he began to shove all the papers into a convincingly neat pile before grabbing his bag and heading for the elevator.

The bitterness of the night air struck him painfully as he made his way down to the parking lot. All he could think about was how uncalled for his lash out at Ziva was. Maybe this was why he couldn't settle down. He was afraid of commitment, he was irrational. Ever since Jenny died all he could see were the faults in his life. All the chances he should of took that he didn't teased him endlessly in his dreams. His subconscious plagued his thought with visions of what life could be like if he pulled himself up and finally took a chance.

Throughout this silent reverie, Tony drove with no real destination in mind. He didn't particularly fancy going home to his boring old bachelor pad where his six pack of lonely beers was waiting for him. After several minutes of torment, he headed in the direction of home. He entered the dim apartment and shut the door behind him. Dumping his mail on a nearby coffee table he wandered over to the phone.

_You have no new messages_

He was lonely, and came to the conclusion that this was how he was going to be for the rest of his days. Watching the love of his life move on from man to man, slowly slipping further and further away from him. She's been so secretive about her trip to Israel, if it was completely innocent like she suggested then she would have told him straight out to avoid his mind from wondering. The _old _Ziva would have. Ever since Director Vance split the team up Tony knew that things would never be _exactly _how they used to be. Thigns wouldn't be the same because Jenny was dead, and that was his fault too. The fact that Ziva didn't blame him comforted him but he always felt a negative vibe from Gibbs. He thought things were starting to get better, he wasn't drinking so much, he didn't blame himself so much...he was telling Ziva the truth. When she told him he could have called he knew this all too well, but he knew that speaking to her on the phone once a week wasn't enough. He breathed her and thrived on her existence, ever since he laid eyes on her he'd never been so in love with anyone before. This was a new experience for Tony DiNozzo, being a man that would only stretch to one night stands and yet, he was willing to lay down his entire lie for someone he just met.

Then Jeanne came. The perfect distraction, Jenny sent him undercover with a hot girl seemed to perfect remedy to cure his bug but the lying ate him to the core. The look on Ziva's face when he declined her offer for drinks. He desperately wanted to tell somebody what was going on and if he could have he would have told her in a second. Even when it all fell apart she was still there, standing by him, his rock. When he heard Vance say she was being sent back to Israel his heart broke at the thought of never seeing her again.

He showered quickly washing all remembrance of his day away down the drain and got into bed. He lay they still for several minutes wide away before he bolted out of bed again and threw on some clothes. Before he could even register in his mind what he was doing, he was in his car driving the several blocks to Ziva's apartment. It was close to 2:30am now and he imagined that she would not thank him for this very very late or very very early depending on what way you looked at it intrusion. He pulled up outside and the dull roar of his mustang ceased instantly when the engine shut off. He got out and noticed that the lights were on through her apartment window. He locked the car and headed inside having no idea what events lay ahead of him.

He knocked hesitantly on the door and waited for a response such as "Do you know what time it is?" or "Mossad Officers DO NOT get disturbed!" he gulped as nothing but silence greeted him as he stood there idly for several minutes. He was about to give up and turn on his feels when he heard the lock and latch rustle and the door opened slowly. Light from inside the apartment flooded into the darkened hallway. The light illuminated the being before him-almost dream like, he pinched himself just in case his mind had completely gone into madness overdrive.

"Tony?" she said not sounding at all tired. In fact she didn't even look as if she'd been asleep. She stood before him in thin pants and a tank top...it wasn't the most glamorous of attires and she felt suddenly self conscious in her state.

"Erm..." was all he could stutter. Drinking in her beauty, her long dark hair was pulled up into a loose bun and single strands fell about her shoulders in ringlets.

"Did you want to come in?" she asked. He sensed a slight impatience radiating off her and nodded.

"I didn't disturb you did I?" He asked tentatively. She was about to make a crude response when she noticed the tiered, drained look in his eye. No matter how mad she was at him she never felt the ability to turn him away.

"No, I was just making some hot chocolate, would you like some?" she said opening the door fully so he could gain full access to her apartment. She closed the door behind him with a yawn.

"I can go if you're tiered" Tony offered, she shook her head.

"No, it's ok. I couldn't sleep, tried everything...even counting crows" she said tending to the kettle.

"Sheep, you count sheep when you can't sleep...Counting Crows are a band" he said smiling slightly, her incorrectness of idioms was just one of the things he loved about her so much. Little did he know that sometimes she did it on purpose just to see his nervous smile.

"Maybe that's why it didn't work then!" she said with a small laugh. She mixed up the drinks and carried the mugs over to the coffee table. Tony followed her and ran a finger along her grand piano as he past it.

"I've never heard you play the piano, you know" he said. She set the mugs down with a chink and turned to face him.

"I'm guessing you didn't drive all the way over here at 2:30 in the morning just to ask me for a demo of my piano skills...besides, I'm not that good. I never had lessons as a child" she began but stopped suddenly. Tony felt very privileged to be given any insight into her past at all and hoped someday she would be able to share it with him.

"I always wanted to learn...my father thought that music was a girl thing to do" Tony said sitting himself next to Ziva on the sofa reaching for his steaming mug of cocoa.

"I was telling the truth when I said I'd teach you, the offer still stands you know" she said staring into her mug.

"I think I'll take you up on that, Miss David" he said feeling himself heat up at the close proximity between them.

"Why are you really here Tony?" she said putting her mug down.

"I wanted to apologise" he began. Ziva raised her eyebrows at him.

"For what?" she probed. He knew that she knew what he was talking about and she just wanted to get him to say it out loud.

"For being an ass today, for yelling at you...you didn't deserve any of it, I'm sorry" he said trying to sound sincere but more or less sounded pathetic.

"That's ok...you were team leader, it was your job to boss me and McGee around" she said.

"Yeah but I didn't like it...I much prefer being your equal, I didn't mean to get so angry it was just the whole thing about me screwing up the case three years ago and..." he was silenced when she placed a finger on his lips to hush him. With this one touch, he felt a jolt of electricity shock his entire body.

"Don't apologise, it's a sign of weakness" she said removing her finger from his lips.

"Please, accept my apology, it would make me feel better at least" he said scratching his head whilst thinking of something more intelligent to say.

"Ok, apology accepted" she said with a smile.

"We don't talk like we used you" he began, knowing instantly he'd gone down the wrong route of conversation.

"What do you mean?" she said innocently.

"We always used to have a movie night, we used to go for coffee and grab a bit of lunch but we never do that now, what happened?" Tony asked genuinely having no idea. The trouble was, Ziva didn't know either.

"I don't know" she replied.

"I want the old Ziva back, the one that was sent back to Israel" Tony said, Ziva's face pulled into an angry frown.

"Oh, so you are saying it is _me _who has changed? Yes?" she snapped.

"You don't tell me anything anymore, Ziva" Tony said feeling desperate to get answers from her.

"What are you talking about Tony?" Ziva said withdrawing her contact from him and standing up, towering above him.

"Why did you go to Israel when you only just came back" there. He'd said it. Now he braced it's response.

"Is that what this is all about? Tony you are unbelievable...why are you so desperate to find out!" She said in despair.

"Is it a guy?" he said loosing control of himself once again.

"It's none of your business!" She said.

"So it is a guy?" he pressed. Ziva threw her hands up in frustration.

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Tony please leave" she said pointing to the door. She was hesitant to actually show him to the door because she rather wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Well who ever he is you can't date him" Tony burst out. He couldn't believe what he'd just said. He knew deep down where this was going and knew that there was no turning back.

"and why not?" Ziva said hands on hips. Tony gulped, hoping that her knife collection was nowhere nearby.

"Because he's not good enough for you" he said.

"and how would you know? You haven't even met him!" Ziva spat. Tony gasped.

"So it is true, you did meet a guy...what's his name?" he said. After earning no response he tried again. "I'm your partner, I think I need to know about who you're settling down with" he said raising his voice.

"Who said anything about settling down. Give me one reason why I shouldn't" Ziva pressed, she knew what it was. She knew he did feel the same way about her that she did for him. "You haven't got a reason, Tony and you know it. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot date!" she said fuming.

"You are such a hypocrite, Tony. You come here ordering me to tell you about something personal when you never told me anything when you started going out with Jeanne!" Ziva said,

"That was different and you know it! That was an undercover mission!" Tony started back. This certainly wasn't how he had planned things out in his head. Things had just decintergrated.

"Then you went and fell in love with her!" she screamed at him.

"This is not about me, I stood by you when you went through the whole thing with Roy and all those other guys who hurt you..." he began

"Don't you bring Roy into this!" she interrupted but Tony was having none of it.

"I apologise for standing by you and watching you get hurt, I just can't do it anymore" he said.

"Tony, you don't even know this guy, how can you make such a rash judgment!" Ziva said. Tony was being completely unreal!

"So you _know _Michael is going to hurt me?" she said. Ziva was hurt that Tony couldn't accept one thing in her life which she couldn't avoid.

"Is anyone good enough for me? I'm not like you Tony! I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone! I want to get married and have children! Not stuck in dead end relationships and one-night stands!" She said. Tony bit back this harsh reality. Was that all he was?

"No. No-one is good enough for you, not even me and I love you more than anything else in the world!" he said breathing heavily.

Silence fell.

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, had he just said what he thought he just said, what's more, had he said it out loud? He dared to wonder if she'd heard him.

"What did you just say?" she said, all anger draining from her instantly. She never actually thought he would admit what he just did.

Tony knew what he'd done and waited for regret to set in, but it didn't.

"I don't want to you to date anyone else because that would mean that _I _couldn't have you...I love you, Ziva and although sometimes I haven't shown it, I've always loved you"

Ziva stood there in complete shock, her dream and worst nightmare had come true, what was she going to do now? Knowing that this was probably the most honest Tony has even been she felt it was only fair to come clean and tell him the whole truth.

He had finally done it. He had finally admitted it and he found it much easier to say than he thought it would. _I should have just said it straight away _he thought to himself amid the silence that had fallen between them. When Ziva didn't respond and tears began to form in her eyes Tony began to wonder if this had all been a big mistake and he's just ruined their friendship forever.

"Ziva, say something please!" Tony begged his voice breaking. He had put his heart on the line for her and it was beginning to feel threatened.

"I..." She said but her conscience held her back, what would her father say? Even more, what would her father do, not just to her but to Tony as well? To hell with it, she thought.

Before Tony could register what was happening, Ziva had thrown herself into his arms and thrust her lips upon his. The connection was electrifying, Tony felt himself go weak at the knees. He pulled her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. Ziva wrapped her arms around his neck trying to get him as close to her possible and Tony threaded his hands threw her hair as her loose bun fell out, her beautiful locks cascading around her. The kiss was passionate but gentle and sensitive all the same; it was the best feeling Tony had ever experienced and all the worries he could have had at this moment had completely evaporated.

The longer the kiss lasted, the more Ziva didn't want to let go and the more she felt the tears coming. She loved Tony so much, more than words could describe but was scared of what implications this would have for her future.

Tony pulled away from the kiss when he felt her tears on his own cheeks. He took her face into his hands and wiped them away softly with his thumbs. She turned her face to his hand and kissed it gently.

"What's the matter? Why are you crying?" he asked, little above a whisper. He rarely, if ever, saw Ziva cry and hated the thought that he might be responsible.

"I love you too" she said, "I love you so much" she dissolving into tears. He pulled her into a strong embrace and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"We can't be together" she said. Tony's heart dropped.

"But believe me I would do anything, just to be with you, I promise" she said, Tony was starting to get confused.

"I don't understand" Tony said running his fingers through her hair lovingly. He had no idea how much he was making her just want to jump him right there and then.

"His name is Michael Rivkin...I don't want to marry him Tony! I don't want to! I want to be with you!" she said sobbing. Suddenly, it all started to make sense to Tony; an arranged marriage. He had not had any experience with this sort of thing and therefore had no idea what to do about it.

"Then don't" he said gently kissing the tears away from her face.

"I don't know what to do! My father arranged it all...he thinks I should have a Mossad, Jewish husband" she began.

"That's not me...Ziva, would he ever approve of us being together?" Tony said his heart truly breaking. Ziva clung to him as if her life depended on it.

"I don't care what he thinks...he can disown me or whatever he likes, kill me even...I will not marry a man that I don't love" Ziva said strongly.

"He would kill you; he would kill his own daughter for not marrying who he picked out for you?" Tony said stunned. Ziva nodded.

"There must be something we can do. We'll get through this, Ziva. We face him together, as lovers" Tony said taking her hands in his and pressing a soft kiss to them.

"You'd do that? You'd face him?" she asked.

"Of course I would, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night. You've taught me how to love Ziva, maybe you didn't know it but you've changed me into a better man. I'm not going to let you go just because your father says so. I can't lose you...you're my life" Tony said, a little shocked at himself for the depth of emotion conveyed in his little speech. But it was all true; he'd never been so honest with himself his entire life. He would give up his life for Ziva without the blink of an eye.

Suddenly, all their problems didn't matter anymore. On the planet, it was just them in their own little world. She crashed her lips down on his he ran his teeth along her lip begging for deeper entry, she happily obliged tugging at the hem of his shirt as they kissed deeper and deeper. He hands fell to her waist and pulled her to him as close as their clothes would allow. He stepped forward and she stepped back, closer and closer until he was pressing her against the wall. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist never breaking contact for a second. She gasped with want and need for this as he planted steamy kisses down from her face to her neck and her chest.

Although he'd never been in her room before, he pulled her away from the wall and edged towards her bedroom. She put herself back on her feet in an attempt to get to her room faster. As he pushed, she pulled knocking anything over that was in their way, tables and lamps went flying. As soon as they entered her she helped him tear away his shirt from his hot and sweaty torso, hardly breaking contact from their kiss. She ran her hands up and down his chest, desperate to feel every inch of him. Her hands stopped at the buckle of his belt before she pulled off her own tank top, she had no bra on underneath so that was one thing less they had to waste time removing. His large hands roamed her bare back and massaged her breasts gently. She had never felt so turned on in her entire life. Although they had 'done' this before undercover the feelings and sensations they were both experiencing never even came close.

"Oh, Tony" she exclaimed through ragged breaths.

"I love you, Ziva" he whispered as he kissed her like he'd never kissed before. He had truly madly deeply, fallen head over heels in love with Ziva David; nothing was going to change that.

They both fell onto the bed not long after.

When Ziva woke up the following morning, she opened her eyes to find Tony staring at her contently. He was smiling softly and he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"Good morning" he whispered almost like if there was any sort of loud noise it would ruin the moment.

"Good morning to you too, were you watching me sleep?" she asked intuitively.

"You're so beautiful when you sleep I could hardly help myself" he said stroking a hand down her face. She smiled and leant in to kiss him.

"I just want you to know that if all that was left of you was your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever met" she said grinning. Tony frowned with a smile on his face.

"Did you just quote a chat up line from Casino Royale?" he said. She burst out laughing rolling onto her back. Tony sat up and leant over her, their noses touching.

"Couldn't help it!" she laughed. "But seriously, Tony..." she began but was caught off guard when he started to plant a trail of kisses down her neck, venturing below the zone of the duvet covers.

"You want to know what I can do with my little finger, don't you?" he said continuing the quote from Bond himself. Ziva slapped him playfully making him drop his weight onto her. They were so close, only a thin sheet separating their naked bodies.

"Seriously Tony, Even though you can be a right ass when you are jealous, I've never ever had anyone care about me as much as you do" she said sincerely running her hand through his short hair. He kissed her on the lips.

"You are not nearly appreciated as much as you should be, I'm going to take care of that, and I'm going to take care of you" he said stroking her face tenderly.

"What are we going to do about my father and Michael?" she asked, hating to ruin the moment.

"Don't worry, we figure something out. Gibbs will know what to do" he said.

"Speaking of which, what are we going to tell him?" she said feeling around for his hand. He rolled off her and took her hand, placing it too his lips.

"The truth worked for us, I'm sure it will be better than lying to him" Tony said wisely. This time, it was Ziva who sat up and leaned over to him.

"Have I told you that I love you yet since we woke up?" she said with a smile. Tony cocked his head to one side with a small grin.

"Well...you know what, Miss David? I don't think you have" he said smiling.

"Well, I do, I love you Anthony DiNozzo" she said pressing a firm kiss to his lips.

"Ziva..." he said pulling away seriously.

"What is it?" she said nervously.

"When you said last night that you wanted to settle down with kids, did you mean it?" he asked. This made her even more nervous, did he not want that?

"Yes, why? Don't you?" she said.

"Yes, yes I do...I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else but you" he said, his words brought tears to her eyes.

"You're going to make a great mum one day, Ziva" he said kissing her bare shoulder.

"...and you are going to be the best daddy any kid could wish for!" she said tearfully. This side of Ziva was a little unnerving for Tony.

"Hey, Zi don't cry...everything is going to be perfect!" he said.

"I don't deserve you" she began. Tony pulled her into a hug.

"If anyone doesn't deserve anyone, I don't deserve you!" he replied.

They began to kiss passionately again Tony rolled onto his back taking Ziva with him who was no straddling him.

"You are going to be the death of me, Ziva DiNozzo" Tony stopped and Ziva looked at him with fire in her eyes.

"Erm, I meant David" he cursed himself, _as if I just called her by my name, you idiot DiNozzo._

"No..." she paused, smiling...

"I quite like it, actually" she said kissing him.

Suddenly a cell phone on the night stand started to buzz loudly.

"It's probably Gibbs, we are late" Ziva said climbing off him. Tony groaned at the loss of contact.

"Ignore it, Zi" he said pulling her to him wondering how on earth he was going to manage the future when she wasn't by his side every second of the day.

"Tony, it might be important" she said snapping the phone open.

"Hey Gibbs" she said.

"David? Sorry, I meant to call DiNozzo, must have pressed the wrong speed dial...I suppose it doesn't really matter...need you both in ASAP, tell DiNozzo to get his ass out of your bed and into work!" He said before Ziva could adjust to what had just happened. She'd answered Tony's phone! Their phones were both very similar and they had both been on silent, it was an easy mistake to make but how had Gibbs known where Tony was! That man never ceased to amaze her. She settled back down into the comfort of Tony's arms.

"It was Gibbs, he knows about us" she said stroking his chest idly.

"How on earth did he know?" Tony wondered.

"Gibbs moves in mysterious ways" she said, "Anyway, he wants us both in work, ASAP..." She said getting out of bed taking the sheet with her and leaving Tony totally exposed on the bed.

"I'm going to have a shower" she said heading towards her bathroom.

"Is that an invitation?" he asked raising his eye brows.

"Hmm" she said coyly with a seductive frown.

"That's a yes if ever I heard one" he said.

"First one in is driving!" she said, Tony was out of bed in a shot. He was last but right now, he didn't think he was capable of saying no to her.

THE END

**A/N So? What did you think? A sequel maybe? I know it may have appeared a little cheesy in some places but some cheese is good right? Please review.**

**PS: Leave feedback of what you might want to see in a sequel.**

**Amy xxx**


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